Breath of Freedom
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Reflections
I run out of words now. I look again upon the wall… this bare naked wall… the stain of my past is still there… will it be there forever more.. to haunt me… to disturb me…. to make me feel uneasy… uncomfortable…?
I guess… I simply should not allow it to…. In order to have a future you must live in the present and take some of the past…. Is this logic..? or just some words someone had said and we ended up repeating it…? After all… our present had been shaped by the past which was at a certain time a present itself, shaped by older and older past events…. If you look at it this way, this only means that chained episodes of one’s life is what makes it what it becomes…
What if I no longer want the past to be part of my life….? I just cannot do that… I decided to choose the parts I want, the memories I treasure and love… and throw away whatever makes me feel bad or disturbed….. Easy to say… hard to do…. only if I focus on my current life I am changing and willing to continue changing…..
Maybe I am in the state of mind they call a phase of transition… evolution… transformation… whatever… after all… what matters is not the name or identification of the state itself… but what is meant by it… I need a space… just a space for myself… to stand alone and watch closely what is happening to me… maybe I can decide what I need to alter and choose the kind of change I want to be doing….. Am I just saying things… that do not make sense at all… Maybe I’m just so exhausted of thinking too much … or so consumed of not being able to think at all…
How ironic being contradicted can be… How ironic.. sadness and confusion might leave one depressed or mad… really mad.. like being crazy or insane…. Am I close to this edge of losing my mind….? I am so tired of trying to change things that are just there and I keep taking the blame or must be responsible and committed while the first thing that jumps to my head is to LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND AND MOVE ON….
One problem though…. I can’t ever leave these particular things behind me… for they are not things…they are people… attached to me… yet… I can’t seem to be able to breathe… when they are around me… and I’m sure that once they leave me for good I won’t be able to go on normally…..
Maybe I just need a break to recharge my battery and let this soul of mine breathe for some time without the burden of doing and saying and being what it doesn’t want to…… Oh …. I found the word….. freedom… I need a breath of freedom… for at least one day or two….
When you say “I Love Allah”
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Reflections
When you say “I love Allah”, do you actually mean it? Do you fully understand the meaning of such love? Do you know how to love Allah?
To know how to love God is very easy… Not everyone who says “I love Allah of course” sincerely does so. When you declare your love to Allah, then your actions should be in parallel with your words… Are they?
To sincerely love Allah, you must sincerely follow His messenger, for it is through Muhammad (PBUH) that we can learn how to love Allah. Allah told us Muslims that by following Muhammad (PBUH) we will be loved by Allah for seeking His love… (Al Imran)
So in order to fully love Allah, obeying His messenger is the golden key to unlock all doors towards salvation of the soul.
Obeying Allah is by obeying His messenger, since God ordered us to do so… How do we obey Muhammad (PBUH) if we neglect most of what ha had adivsed us to do, and then say that we do indeed love Allah? Obeying Muhammand (PBUH) is by doing what he had told us to do and avoiding what he prevented us from doing. This is following his “Sunnah”…
Prophet Muhammad is the only way to show us how Allah is pleased and what Allah likes. Through him, we can gain the ability to perform whatever is necessary to please Allah. Allah had given us the chance of knowing how to love Him through Muhammad (PBUH) who taught us in his daily life how to love Allah more than anyone or anything in this life.
Therefore, this is a continuous challenge, a struggle against the devil that tries by all means to disencourage us, to let us lose hope, to make us believe that it is a very hard thing to do, and to convince us that this obedience is a difficult task beyond our ability… Don’t let the devil disencourage you, or put you down… Be sure that Allah will always guide you to His path once you decide to walk that road towards Him…
To love Allah, to love His messenger is the true faith. In this concept, you can truly achieve the greatest happiness of the soul, which knows no boundaries at all… nothing can ever stand between you and this goal, because Allah Himself is guiding you and helping you… You make one step towards Allah, He makes a lot more towards you… You change one little thing in yourself to please Allah, He will help you change more to gain His love… Further more, Allah will order his creatures, any kind of creatures to love you as well….
To truly love Allah, you need to get rid of any doubt that you are alone on this journey… Be patient and try tasting this little sweetness life can offer you and endure the little sadness it compells you to face… This struggle doesn’t mean at all that Allah is angry at you or does not love you… On the contrary, it does mean that Allah loves you and He chose you to see how much You love Him… How much are you willing to take and endure to pass the test of life with patience and by being satisfied with whatever Allah brings you and puts in your way.
After all, any pain we live, is a way of purification from sins… the slightest pain of a thorn in a finger is a way to erase sins… Imagine the more pain you face along your journey, the more sins are erased, the more faults are wiped off your page… We all make mistakes, we all commit things we can ‘t always be proud of, even between ourselves and our reflection in the mirror.. Allah knows everything done, the way you’ve felt while doing it and the circumstances while doing it… The point is not to be judged… but to see how can you make it up,…. will you wake up and discover that you should not just feel guilty about it but try to erase it… by the good deeds and going back to Allah, returning to His path and asking Him and only Him for forgiveness… You don’t need to tell anyone what you’ve done… Allah kept it a secret, why should you anounce it in public…. 
Allah will preserve the veil on your secret and simply forgive you, for you, slave, by asking Allah for forgivness, you acknowledge that there is indeed a God who punishes sinners and forgives them too, once they return to Him, with hands raised up to the sky asking for salvation and forgivness….Isn’t this to show how merciful He is…? Isn’t this a way to show us how easy it could be to be as pure as a baby without sins… once your forgiven…? This shows how Allah loves us….
To love Allah and through obeying His messenger (PBUH), you are following the correct path towards Jannah. Isn’t this what we all aspire… Paradise? Eternal paradise…? Don’t we all dream of its endless pleasure and joy?
It is costly to achieve… it is based upon patience and submitting to God’s will. To know how you truly love Allah you need to ask yourself a question everytime you do something:
Will Allah be pleased with this deed? Will this make Him happy with me? Will I make His messenger angry by doing it…?
Or you can simply ask yourself, if I meet Muhammad (PBUH) now, as I’m wearing this, doing that, saying that…. etc… will I be proud or ashamed..?
If you leave a prayer, will this please Allah? As long as you’re sure of the answer NO, then you know whether you are in this particular moment loving Allah the way you should or not.. Same concept in saying if I do my prayers on itme, will this make Allah pleased with my deeds? As long as your answer is YES, then be proud of loving Allah the way you should, the way He wants you to do so. This was a simple example of course there is a lot more than just the 5 prayers and the fasting and the dealing with people, and ….etc….it is always about deeds and hearts… along with the intentions for these deeds..
I believe that you should not fear what you say or do; or say or do what you fear… Do what you can be facing the whole world while you’re doing it.. this only proves that you are brave enough to take responsibility for all your actions, and be confident that any deed you actually make is done for Allah’s satisfaction… and of course for loving it… don’t you lose this feeling of loving what you do while doing it… then and only then, you will have a cost for everything you do… nothing will be done for free,……. Yes.. the cost is little things in Paradise with each word, each gesture, each whisper, what you do alone or with people, anything will have a price… one minute can simply give you thousands of golden trees in Jannah without you being aware of it… one little deed, that you didn’t notice could be a great deal after life…
So when you say “I love Allah” be sure you sincerely mean it the way you are supposed to love Him.
IF….?!
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
If the stars can stop glowing
If the night and daylight could meet
If the darkness and the brightness could pleat
If the wind could ever freeze the heat
If the love and hatred could together be felt
If the unknown tomorrow could ever be withheld
Maybe … you could catch me before I fall
Maybe… I could come to your call
Maybe… we could forget what had built this wall
As a million if suggest a limitless possibility
As a thousand maybe implies some probability
I still cannot find with you any compatibility.
I knew I Loved You
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
Sometimes things just don’t make any sense
As the impact of understanding seems so intense
Maybe a hunch, maybe an intuition
Some things you just don’t question
Might sound more than insane
Might seem irrational or vain
But believe me when I say…
I knew I loved you
Before I’ve met you
I knew you were the one for me
My only man to be
I’ve wasted most of my years
like water colors in the rain
Vanishing in my own doubts and fears
Drowning in my stifling pain
I’ve denied myself the right to live
Buried myself in my mistake
Consumed in what I must give
Forgot that I had the right to take
Before I lay my eyes on you
I just sensed it coming
Somehow I just knew
It’s you I’ll be loving
It doesn’t need any reason
To explain this love or its glory
You’re the perfect completion
Of my unfinished story
Let me open my heart and show you inside
There’s nowhere left for me to hide
I fell in love with everything you are and yet to be
I fell in love knowing you’ll fall for me
I’ll plead insanity but never a fool
Hearts fall in love before the eyes
As my love will break every rule
It will find the truth among the lies
Just listen to your heart
Listen to my breathing
Look at our start
Feel our passion increasing
Awareness to Openness
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Marriage & Divorce
Marriage is a relationship between two people, entering it with separate systems. The nature of this relationship is on what rests the clue to succeed in it. The separate systems include background, awareness, behaviour, thinkning, attitude, emotions, expectations….. meaning that husband and wife, start their marriage, each preserving this system deep within, not exposing it out in the open to each other… Not intentionally… simply that is the way it usually is… Even if some aspects are revealed during the phase of getting to know each other, still, the fundamental core of these separate systems are yet to be unveiled.
Evade the fact that any marriage is based upon the communication between the partners, and you’ll find yourself running around in circles… The interaction, the communication and the understanding form togther a package not to be ignored if you’re seeking the success in this relationsip.
The awareness of how important it is to communicate with each other is a key to open doors that could cause a lot clashes without knowing why… if left closed. However, it is not an easy thing to open up to each other even if this marriage was indeed built upon love and partners chosing each other with their free will. Therefore, it’s obvious that many clashes arise and partners aren’t always aware of their origin… it might be a silly thing to fight upon, or to simply cause uneasiness or the feeling of discomfort…
The making of a healthy marriage lies in learning the abilities both partners need to achieve happiness together as a couple, not happiness for each one separately… which is the case of several couples after a few years of marriage… not necessarily a long time after wedding…!
Admitting that husband and wife enter this relationship with individual patterns of feeling, thinking and acting, which were in fact gained throughout the years before the marriage, is important to help both partners being aware of the uniqueness of each one alone, then the uniquenss of them together as a couple… Spouses need to be free of artificiality, in order to recognize and then work on fulfilling their own individual needs as a person.
Once you are free to explore the depths of this most intimiate relation uniting two people for life, you’ll realize that the openness towards each other is taking you further into the core and reality of how satisfying your marriage can become. Experiencing the openness towardseach other is in fact something to cherish and enjoy while it is in progress…
My point here is that any marriage must have a foundation that both partners build and agree upon: the interaction of husband and wife. Once they decide how they should be dealing with each other as a basis, how to react to each other in various daily situations…., crisis…, problems… happiness… whatever…discussing how to live together, the procedures for making decisions and ways of settling disagreements… the way they interact together is the main thing to determine how happy this couple can be… and how successful their marriage can become.
In other words, you need to open up to your partner as well as receive your partner’s openness towards you, in order to unveil any hidden or buried emotions, complications, struggles, confilcts… anything… there should be no boundaries…
Once you listen as well as speak freely without restricitons about your worries, your dreams, your fears, your anxieties, your intimate things… the bond uniting you is going to be stronger, without the feeling of being left in the shadow, or treated as an outsider, or a being married to a stranger.
This task is a difficult one, but yet, crucial. If this step is ignored or neglected, trust me, the gap is going to get wider and wider, creating resentments and disagreements that could easily be avoided, once you talk about them in a different way… This helps both partners understand the origin of certain behaving or acing in things one can consider normal, while the other sees outrageous, or just unacceptable… Again, this is coming from the long lived experiences before the marriage, childhood, parents, family, background, friends, bad experiences, whatever takes a part in molding the character and the personality……
Before talking about yourself, you need to explore your inner soul first, and to understand yourself, so you can express what is happening with it… And since this is not always as clear and easy as it might seem, each spouse should take it step by step to identify your own feelings towards a particular situation that leaves you baffled or confused… Think about it alone first, to see why you are feeling the way you are feeling, then talk about it with your spouse. Or, you can start talking about what’s keeping you perplexed with your partner first, but of course as long as it is not treated as an issue of disagreement or a clash…
I believe that all this is aiming towards a healthy communication between spouses, in order to achieve a marriage based upon openness and understanding, with the least problems you can get into.. simply because the interaction and communication is free of restricitons and conformity.
One last thought…… Understand yourself and your partner better to communicate more effectively…. so maybe.. jsut maybe… you can reach your own spiritual growth together as one…!
Hurt Me….
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Reflections
Go ahead, do it… What are you waiting for… ? Are you having second thoughts? Are you for any reason reconsidering whether to do it or not…? Since when? Go ahead.. I’m ready this time.. Hurt me!
Hurt me as much as you can… What you don’t know is that no matter how hard you beat me this time… I won’t cry… no I won’t drift a tear… I won’t scream… I won’t beg you to stop… I won’t even look you in the eyes… I’ll look away… I’ll look so very far away… where there is another side… Yes, so I’ve been told.. The grass is always greener on the other side… I’ll keep staring at the green grass of the other side, to convince myself that the black grass I’m in, is not really where I stand.
Hurt me… more and more… with your fists, your kicks… your words… whatever… Is this how you think you can control me? Well I’ve got news for you …. not anymore! Not now, not ever… and you have never owned me or had control over my heart, soul or mind…. I was always free… even in your chains suffocating my neck… 
I was still free…. My imagination took me further than any true reality can take me… I was never in your prison… I was always far away, and so am I right this minute as you gather all your hatred or your sickness towards my fragile weak body…
Don’t look at me now and wonder how you can convince me to stay… I won’t stay, and this time it’s for good… I’ll find my path without you…. I’ll survive this one last time for you to hurt me and I am totally ready for it… And guess what this time I planned for it… yes I wanted you to hurt me once more so you can give me one more reason to hate you and to make up my mind that this is truly the end of your story, Yes your story… because it was never our story… even if it were mine for some time…
I wanted you to hurt me for this last time to make sure there were no more chances for us at all, there were no promises left for you to keep, no more words for you to whisper or yell in my face… no more nights for you to ignore me.. or have me in your sick way…. no more fake loving tenderness that would last for minutes before you remember you should put on the other face to keep controling me……
Yes I wanted you to hurt me this time only to prove to myself that there was absolutely nothing human left in you, nothing to cry for, or wish to keep even as the slightest memory…. Hurt me now and say the words again…… I thought you had changed, I believed in you and trusted my heart that you truly cared and loved me after I sensed the terrible guilt in your sad voice and loving eyes….. I didn’t realize that it was all a big plan of yours to simply punish me… again!
Hurt me…. Hurt me in any way you want…. I won’t feel a thing.. I’m not even here….. Say all these terrible things and I won’t even hear…. Try to break my own image in my own eyes, give it a better shot… I know who I am.. I accept myself as I am… and I know that you are nothing but a lie… an illusion… a mistake I was about to repeat.. A huge crime against myself and all rules of logic…. Hurt me and do your best to let me hate you more….And trust me, you’ve done a great job so far….
Thank you for waking me up… for showing me the light of truth, for showing me your reality, your darkness, your evil soul… Thank you for hurting me so bad.. I could finally breath some purity in my life….I’ll find myself wings… I’ve seen them so many times in my imagination that now I believe I do have them… I’ll fly away, and I’m sure that there must be somebody, out htere waiting for me… to love me and to cherich my existence… for simply being Me…
My soul won’t remain in this ground of yours…
I’ll spread my wings and fly away to finally be alive…
WITHOUT YOU.
That was one sad page from my diary… years and years ago….. And finally I did find this other soul…
The Beginning of a Marriage
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Marriage & Divorce
So it’s been said that the first year of marriage is the most important one, for upon it, lies the whole marriage. The first year is sort of a pillar to what you are about to be building in the following years of this relationship. 
Relationships in general are costly to achieve, especially when you want it to succeed, not just enagaging in a realtion that has been forced upon you. The effort we put in our relationships is inseparable from your desire to make it work successfully… in other words, to reach happiness in such a liaison.
Marriage is a sacred bond uniting two persons, with different or similar characters, personalities, backgrounds, beliefs, desires, aspirations,……. Husband and wife enter the marital project, if I may call it a project, each investing effort, willingness and certain feelings. What I mean by investing, is that the more you put into your marriage, the more you should be gaining, but that depends on what you are putting into it in the first place. Pretty logical, I would say… doesn’t need an expert to conclude that!
If we agree that the goal is to reach happiness and maintain a happy home, that means you are looking forward to a relationship with your spouse where security, compassion, respect and love are all together as a package. I intended not to put love at the beginning, because not all marriages start with it. Meaning not all couples have known each other before marriage and decided to be together to empower their love and finally spend the rest of their lives together… But certain couples simply marry because they need to start a family, a home and a life shared with someone they can depend on for continuing their journey….
I believe that the first year is therefore, the most difficult one. It comes along with all difficulties, challenges and conflicts that arise for the first time between the two partners. Again, maybe some aspects, but I insist not all, could have arised during the period of the getting to know you phase… but still, new things just pop up with the daily real life once you enter marriage…
In the coming posts, I’ll be talking about expectaitons each partner enters marriage with, the first conflicts as soon as the mask drops and expectations are confronted with real unexpected situations in daily routine or unexpected events that just happen to take place and affect the couple’s relationship….
Why am I oding this? I always wanted to write about these things, since I can’t publish a book about that now… [maybe someday I will] I decieded to share it here with whoever is going to read my blog… for I am open to any discussions and comments, to see how people look at realtions and marriage.
This sure doesn’t mean that my first year was an excellent one, nor does it mean that my marriage is great and successful because I was wise enough to apply all these concepts into my relationsip with my spouse… But it is simply my way of expressing myself, sharing my thoughts and speaking out those reflections I end up with as I sit wondering about life, feelings, passion and relations.
If I had the Chance to Fall
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
Two strangers leading two parallel lives.
Until fate united them in one moment in time.
You.. you seemed to be burying your years
But alone in the dark as you face your fears
You’re waiting for a day to come
Where you’ll fall for someone
Who would let you share her life.
I.. I’m stifled by rules I cannot break
To save myself another heartache
I’ve put my heart on the shelf
Yet.. I dream to see myself
Falling for who’d let me be his wife.
Until that day when we’ve met
A day so incredibly hard to forget
For it left me looking back upon my wandering years
Astray.. lost between laughter and tears.
There’s a tempting sadness burried in your eyes
Bitterness.. your smile has failed to disguise.
So much comfort in a voice so profound
So much in your heart waiting to be found.
If fate would give me a chance..
To taste love and romance..
If heaven froze the hands of time..
To let me make one man mine..
If the sun shined again on my wall..
If I had the chance to fall..
Babe.. I would have fallen in love with you..
Only.. if that “IF” would come true.
End of Story
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
The sweetest words of love from you… I heard
The wildest wound is you… and I hurt
The greatest love … with you I’ve tasted
The best years of my life… on you I’ve wasted
You were my dreams and my fantasy
You were my passion and ecstasy
My dreams with you have begun
Tell me now where they have gone
I won’t cry.. won’t draft a single tear
I won’t die.. won’t surrender to this fear
This is the end of our road together
No more paces for us.. not ever
We’ve come to the end of the road
The end of the story we never wrote
Don’t you look at me with those eyes
Don’t you sweet talk me with those lies
My heart would never again believe you
My only way out is just to leave you
This is our end, so stop pretending
Just admit that our story’s finally ending
Walk Away
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
Another night alone in my bed
Another dream lying among the dead 
Another vision as I close my eyes
Another memory shoving off in disguise
How could this be you
How could this be true
The soul I’ve loved is no longer found
This new one I can’t impound
Features seemingly the same
Different spirit to your name
Wish I’ve never seen that other face
Duality you kept hidden without a trace
Yet, better know it now, than too late
Better see it than wonder and debate
Painful separation,
Not a total devastation.
I’ll survive.. I’ll carry on
But to your lie I can’t hold on
How blindly I fell for your artificiality
So walk away with your duality
Figment of imagination brutally withdrawn
With the dying dusk and newborn dawn
To my love you were so uncouth
So walk away, let me breathe some truth.
Is This Love?
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
They say it never warns you before the fall
They say it tears you apart
They say it makes you cry
They say it might be a lie
Beneath lines left unread
A little bit of a scare
And something left unsaid
Eyes that say so much
Still they did not meet
They whisper, they touch
They’re still discreet
A you and Me is being born
An us is changing our lives
Struggling the unknown
That cuts like knives
Is this love?
That figure calling from a hazy dark place
Hunting my exhausted mind
Through my smoky sadness I see your face
A desire thought impossible to find
To your profound voice I surrender
Is it still calling my name
I close my eyes feel how tender
Your voice burns my flame
Looking in the depths of my soul
Should I find any answers left..?
Should I even try to seek control
over a dream so long bereft..?
I’m stifled by bonds I cannot break
I’m desperate for a breath to take
As I see you entering my world
I touch the sky and pray the Lord
Make this man mine
Till the end of my time.
That’s How You Love Me…
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
Whenever my sanity’s suspended in a thread
Whenever I’m drowning into sadness
Whenever I wander around astray
Whenever I stumble and fall
That’s when you come into my world
That’s when you say your four letter word
Showing me in every way you can
That you’re my one and only man
Whenever love seems so distant
Whenever age feels like an instant
Whenever life cruelly rocks my boat
Whenever it doesn’t work as I thought
That’s when you hold me
That’s how you mold me
That’s how you love me.
What Should I Do?
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
Living under the same roof
Yet I know I’m not the one
Trying to believe it’s not the truth
Guess there’s nothing left to be done
I watch you come and go
Inside out of our old charade
But deep inside I know
This pretense won’t gradually fade
Things have been the same
For longer than I could define
We both deny the blame
We both want to believe it’s fine
What should I do?
Be with or without you?
In the corners of your own darkness…
I stand wondering .. is it fair…
To continue the path of emptiness…
Keep wandering among its scare …
Your dreams or mine
Which are the ones left unfulfilled?
Your hopes or mine
Which are the ones that have been killed?
I can’t fight the eager any longer…
Hesitation and uncertainty…
That unsatisfied passion hunger…
How I want to resist this vanity…
What should I do?
Be with or without you?
Afraid and lost in my own despair
Can’t say a word about my fears
Will you understand the burden of my scare
Will you see beyond pride tears…
Should we stop feeling sorry
For all those wasted years..?
Should I tell myself not to worry
Someday… agony truly disappears..
What should I do?
Be with or without you?
Lying to myself..
Lying to my heart
Dying by myself..
Dying far apart..
Should I walk? Should I stay?
Would I ever know which path to take?
If we talk… what would we say…
Would this bond between us soon break?
Can’t see myself without you
Yet can’t live by your side
Can’t imagine my life without you
Yet to you I’m strongly tied.
So close together
Yet we’re far apart
You want me there forever
But you keep breaking my heart
What should I do?
Be with or without you?
My Son
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Reflections
There were nights when I didn’t sleep by your side.
There were summers when I didn’t take you swimming.
There were winters when I didn’t warm you up
I always said “later”…
I never thought that a day would come
When there wouldn’t be any more “later”.
That’s all the time I’ve spent with you.
I should’ve known better
I should’ve seen it coming.
Too impotent to catch you before you fall.
Too busy to notice that nothing
Could be taken for granted.
I’d kiss you more and more, cuddle you forever..
Sing to you and play with you.
I’d give anything to see your eyes shining again.
I’d give my all just to live one more day with you.
One more night to tuck you in bed and read you a story.
I’d give my all to be your mother for one more day.
Will you ever come back to me?
Will you still be a child then?
Will you ever blame me?
In case you don’t understand…
I just have one thing to tell you:
Now and forever.
Like a Tomb
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
I can’t remember how long have I been sitting here
Waiting for you to come back home..
Lying awake in our bed all alone.
It’s been dark and still like a tomb
Lying here without you.
Listening to my own breathing
As loud as my heart beating.
I know you’re with her tonight
While you should’ve been with me.
Your arms holding her tight
While they should be holding me.
I can’t remember how long have I been waiting
Eaten alive by loneliness…
Drowning in emptiness…
It’s been dark and cold like a tomb
Dying here without you.
I bet you’re whispering her name
I bet she’s enjoying the flame…
Are you lost somewhere in her eyes
Searching for words to say?
Are you telling her your same old lies
That once swept my heart away..?
Strangers lying side by side
I bet you still have her face in your head
I see the truth you want to find
I see my dream is dead.
Looking for unspoken words through your eyes
To tell me all my doubts are lies.
Instead I saw my reflection dying
And heard my broken heart crying.
It’s been cold and still like a tomb
Living here with you.
Life Must Go On
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
I knew something was wrong
Even though we never said the words.
I knew it wouldn’t be long
Before the resentment hurts.
We both have tried and we know
That the gap is getting wider.
We can’t wait for our hate to grow
And watch it getting wilder.
When your luck is running out of time
Goodbye is no longer a crime.
I can’t keep what has never been mine
When there’s nothing left to be done
You can’t hold on to something gone.
But life must go on.
So close together…So far apart
Whose heart is made of steel?
Something is broken in each heart
That time just won’t heal.
All those walls will remain here.
There’s no reason for me to stay.
Say the words let it be
Let me find my own way.
When there’s nothing left to be done..
You can’t hold on to something gone..
But life must go on.
Died… because of one word
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under Reflections
He was only 17… He was on his way to school that morning… when he lost control of his vehicle and crashed… He died in no time.
His mother tried for several weeks to figure out what had caused the accident. Had anything jumped out in front of him, was he changing a CD, or playing with the radio, was he texting….? But phone records did not indicate that he was texting at the time of the accident.
Not long ago, the mother had discovered that he was in fact texting, but the phone records were lost because he had to reset the password to get on it. The girl he was texting told his mother that they had been texting since 6 am. He died at 7:10 am for replying to a text she had sent at 7:06 am….
He lost his life for one word
DRIVING
The reason why I am sharing this on my site, is because the mother was imploring everyone she could, to spread the message, and to warn everyone not to text while driving… Where is the urgency? One word had taken her son’s life in such a young age… Filled with agony and pain, the mother is asking us, to warn anyone we possibly can, so her son’s death won’t be for nothing.
And these were her exact words.
“So if through this and all of you we can reach even one person, one heart maybe we can save even just one life. His death will not be in vain.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MY SON
RICHARD DARIN JOHNSON
3/27/93-4/23/2010 “ 
Powerful Lie
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
Corroded by ruthless loneliness
Memories of a love that failed to last..
Watching my life slipping through my hands
Happiness.. Why is my access denied..?
Destiny.. Why is my crime not yet defined..?
Is it me.. is it you..?
Is it what we did or did not do..?
I won’t ask where did it go wrong..
I know it just was not that strong..
I was so badly deceived..
I couldn’t save what in me has died
No matter how hard I tried..
Alone I pay the cost
Betrayed.. deceived and lost..
There might be an end to tears after all
Despite this persistent pain..
As spring comes around after the fall
Despite the winter rain..
But until the sun shines through my blackness
Until a ray of light breaks my darkness
I will still wonder why
You were such a powerful lie..?
Take Back Your Promises
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
I watch the wasted days of my life
Shoving off in my own eyes
Cold memories cut like a knife
As sharp as your chilling lies…
My love relentlessly misused
Fading in the grayness of your apathy
My dreams savagely abused
Shrilling… wailing for empathy
There are no more chances I want to take
No more oceans for us to sail
Making me believe anything was my mistake
My fault when anything should fail
There are no more roads for us to walk
No prospect for us to succeed
My heart you willfully broke
A miracle is what we’ll need
I won’t drown in my illusions anymore
Time has come to see the plain truth
Thinking it could ever be like before
Is wasting away my life and youth
You’ve put me on the run for quite so long
Living in your deceiving delusion
Swaying in those foggy places amid right and wrong
I’ve reached nothing but loss and confusion
Astray… rolling in your circle in the sand
I’m always back to the point of start
I won’t search for reasons to understand
Why we are ending so far apart
You left me nothing but a heartache
And a heap of dreams thrown aside
So take back all the promises you’re yet to make
And give me back my wounded pride…
Alone in the stillness of the night
Staring at my face gazing back at me
Through the mirror… through the hazy light
I see a shadow of the woman I used to be…
Torn
Posted by Amira El Shendidy | Filed under My Poems
I close my eyes to dream away 
I thought I heard you call
I close my eyes and sway
I stagger and watch myself fall
I reach out for you in despair
You’re nowhere to be found
Abandoned me in my scare
Losing my solid ground
Baby I’m torn… So torn apart
Agony running through my veins
It’s driven deeper into my heart
Can’t break free off these chains
All I have is a wounded memory
A recollection of your voice
Just an incomprehensible theory
Leaving me repressed with no choice
You say you’re doing it for my sake
It’s only a matter of time
You wanna save us any heartache
Oh baby what you’re doing is a crime
What you’re doing cuts both ways
We’re both hurting and the pain’s rough
I know you’re still mine despite the frays
Baby I ‘m begging you enough
Here I am and my love’s got no pride
You try to keep yours under control
I might know what you’re feeling inside
But you’re hiding never letting it show
Believe me I’m not that strong
Pretending is all I can do
But I can’t keep it for so long
I’m so helpless without you
Loneliness is corroding me alive
And I miss you like crazy
Love me…Bring me back to life
Pull me out of a doubt so hazy
Baby I’m so torn without you
This I’m not pretending
I’ll keep my love throughout you
Doesn’t this torment have an ending
Breathe some light within my soul
Breathe some faith within my heart
Hold me close, make me whole
I’m torn.. so torn.. I’m falling apart …
